I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
