He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
