Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
