She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
