Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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