Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
