Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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