i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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