my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize