if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
