i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
