just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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