Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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