I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
