actually, I'm a sock model
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
