I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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