u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
