Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
