You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
