atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
