i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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