it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
