im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
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if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
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Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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