so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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