So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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