Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
