some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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