U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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