Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
