I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize