i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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