i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
