hell yes lets make some ravioli
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
