pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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