The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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