I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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