I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
