he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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