I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
