it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
