you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
