When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Well I just put wine in my tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize