He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
