i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
my liver is dry heaving
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
