we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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