In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
bring money and cleavage
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
