I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
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Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
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I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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