apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize