I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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