Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
