filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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