My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
