you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
