Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
