my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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