last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
