I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
